Things I Actually Said

For anyone considering going into school administration, I have here a glimpse of what that might look like. Yes, these are things I actually said as a high school principal -- some of them thankfully only once and others over and over and over.

  • Let go of that woman!
  • Everyone to the gym.  We have a chemical spill.
  • Have you already talked with the teacher?
  • Sure, I came to the Xmas Bazaar just so I could help you find the paper towels and the megaphone.
  • Go to the office and sit down and wait for me.
  • The ticking sound is coming from this locker.
  • Put that away before the bell rings.
  • Let's move!  The tardy bell rang yesterday, it rang the day before that and I'm pretty sure it's going to ring today too.  Hurry!
  • Why are there 600 people in that dark building and only 10 outside on a gorgeous day like this?
  • Could I get you to pull your pants up please?
  • How did you get a zip tie on your thumb?  Oh my god, it's turning black.  Just relax!
  • Root beer flavored milk?  Is this for real?
  • A good day is one when we're not standing across the street staring at the school.
  • Do you have your college logo today?
  • If you film his backside in that open gown, I swear I'll break your camera.
  • We'll start the meeting with a pop quiz.
  • Are you available Saturday to wear the duck costume?
  • Every one of us has a worst-thing-we've-ever-done. No, I won't tell you mine.
  • How else might you have handled that?
  • No, you may not wear the coconut bra to class.
  • During a financial aid workshop:  None of you can divide 5000 by 10?
  • I appreciate that you're the family's attorney but I run the meeting.
  • Don't escort him out in handcuffs until students are back in class.
  • Please zip your sweatshirt up over your exposed breasts.
  • As a teacher:  What are your hands doing in your lap?
  • Every one of you should plan to go to college.  And every one of you can.
  • Whose class are you out of?  Where's your pass?
  • Language!
  • Before you open your mouth, remember that some time in the future you may really need me to believe you.  Now's a good time to start building that trust.


  1. Do you miss it, Linda?
    Last week I spoke with a parent who, among other jobs cobbled together to make a living, teaches English online. This year she's homeschooling both of her kids, ages 12 and 14. One would have been a freshman at the high school where you were last principal. Why? Bullying, mostly.


Post a Comment

I'm interested in your comments.